Monday, December 13, 2010

A Bunch of Disorganized Thoughts

Sooo….I have spent at least two hours in the past two days trying to write a blog entry and I just cannot do it. This has happened before and it ticked me off then too, but I forgot how I got through it (I have problems remembering things and it kinda sucks). I think that maybe part of the problem is I just REALLY want to write so badly, but I am having too many thoughts at once. I try to develop an idea and it’s just a disaster. I decided that tonight, I am just going to write down all those thoughts and stop trying so friggin’ hard. I am not promising it will be worth reading. Chances are, it will not be. But, it works for me…for now at least! Who knows, maybe one of the ideas will someday turn into something worth reading…

• I have turned to Traditional Chinese Medicine to help deal with my autoimmune disorder. I know that will make a good writing piece, but I can’t write about it at the moment…not sure why. I promise, I will work on it because I know it is very important.

• I think that everyone deserves to be loved in a healthy way. Through my own experiences or through the experiences of people I know, there is way too much dysfunction in the world. I also know from recent personal experience how profoundly it can change your life when you are in healthy relationships…we all deserve that.

• I gave up soda about two weeks ago and it is really pathetic (and a strong statement in itself) how much I miss Coke.

• I love my dog. I really do. She has brought such an incredible amount of love and purpose to my life, especially since I have been out of work. I have been worried lately about what life will be like once she is gone. I’m not sure why I am thinking about this lately…

• For once in my life, I feel like I am part of a community thanks to my church and people I have met in my town. I love living here. I never thought I would say that when I moved out here ten years ago. It’s been a gradual thing, but unless I am living on a beach, I have no desire to live anywhere else in New England.

• I am working so hard at getting my health better, it’s exhausting sometimes (OK, many times) but they say anything worth having is hard work…or something like that…I forget.

• I had one of the best days of my entire life this past Saturday.

• Letting go and being yourself can be scary.

• I am 39 years old and actually know what it feels like to truly be in love for the first time in my life. I thought I did before; I was wrong. Love is about feeling content with who you are as a person first but then having the other person bring out the best in you. I am less judgmental, less bitchy, more patient, and more content than I ever thought possible. Love is then seeing the positive impact you have on another person. It is about respect, laughter, compassion, caring, sharing, listening, understanding, friendship, and trust. Love is about being independent and yet never feeling alone or lonely. Love is about building up and not tearing down. Love is about feeling like you have found "home”. Enough said.

• Someday I have to blog about the dog park that I take Molly to because really, it is a soap opera in itself. It keeps me amused though and in all honesty, going there has oftentimes made my out of work situation a lot more tolerable.

• One of the greatest life lessons I have learned is to accept people for who they really are. Period. If who they are does not work for you or is having too much of a negative impact on your life, health, and/or wellbeing, I have one thing to say about that: don’t let the door hit you on the way out. Otherwise, embrace them for who they are and not who you WANT them to be. Critical difference….

• Down comforters and laptops rule.

THE END (I know, you are thinking: Thank God!)

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