Friday, August 16, 2013

Authentic Thoughts And Ramblings

I am trying to be better about how frequently I blog. Typically, I put in a lot of time and thought into each blog entry rather than just writing down whatever pops into my head at the moment. It is not unusual for one blog entry to take me several hours to write and edit before I post it. The problem with this is that when things get busy for me like with medical appointments, trying to publish a book and getting married, I don't have a time block of several hours to write. What complicates this issue even more is if I need to take pain medications, like I have recently, I can't think straight enough to write at all.

So I am going to try and be more spontaneous with my writing. Not every piece I write needs to be this incredibly thought provoking piece of writing. Oftentimes thoughts and ideas just pop into my head that I would like to jot down. I usually end up doing so on my Facebook page and then I have this annoying and long status update.

My thoughts today are all over the place. I'm a bit cranky, in pain, and overall just wishing life was a little, or a lot,easier for me sometimes. I walk a fine line many times between being upbeat and optimistic and feeling sorry for myself. I think being emotionally healthy is finding the balance between the two. I know there are many, MANY wonderful things about my life and I am grateful for each and every one of them. But I also think that more often than not, I don't allow myself to just sit with the negative feelings and accept them for what they are. I guess I am just afraid that if I do that, I will spiral into a depression that will be hard to get out of. I need to have more faith in myself. Because let's be honest, having a chronic illness sucks a lot of the time. Keeping a positive attitude is critical but you also need to be authentic to whatever you are experiencing, especially when you are in pain everyday or stuck inside on a beautiful summer day, or on several days.

I do love though how when it seems like your day is just going to be dismal, how the kindness of people can ease your suffering. Like today. I had two messages from friends who were checking in on me to see how I was doing. It's helpful to be reminded that you are cared about when things feel difficult. I am certainly blessed with some amazing friends.

And then I got a phone call from the pre-op department at Lahey Clinic which is where I am having my procedure done Monday. All I can say is wow. The nurse actually thought to ask what some of my alternative medicine supplements were for and come to find out, I have to stop some of them today because of the possible risk of bleeding. And I have to stop my low dose naltrexone. My Sjögren's symptoms are going to go bonkers...ugh. But the point is, she knew what she was talking about. It's always reassuring when the people who are responsible for putting me under anesthesia know what they are talking about.

What was even more amazing is that this nurse happens to have interstitial cystitis and spent a lot of time giving me information about the diet, symptom management, etc. And, she was very upbeat and optimistic, telling me not to give up hope and I will not feel like this forever. She was very inspiring! She also told me exactly what to expect from the minute I walk in Monday until I leave. She warned me that I will likely be in a lot of pain the first forty-eight hours and to just take the pain medications. The best thing anyone can ever do for me in these situations is to tell me the truth about what to expect. God bless her.

That's all I have for today so now I am going to go check out this website the pre-op nurse told me about and pray that I will be in much better shape for my honeymoon which is in THIRTY-NINE days!