Friday, February 19, 2016

Comfort Zone Escape

"Each of us must confront our own fears, must come face to face with them. How we handle our fears will determine where we go for the rest of our lives. To experience adventure or to be limited by the fears of it." ~ Judy Blume

Today is the day! I leave this afternoon for a weekend retreat at Kripalu with one of my dearest friends. It's called the Manifestation Workshop: On Being Human (led by Jennifer Pastiloff). Doesn't that just sound like the perfect retreat?

I have been looking forward to this experience for almost a year and a half now. I've NEVER done anything like this. Actually, the reason I didn't go last year was because I was too afraid my body couldn't physically handle it; not just the yoga classes, but all that comes with this type of thing.

Does that mean my health is better this year? No, not really. My doctor has me on a course of prednisone, which is helping, but not quite as much as I had hoped. At this point though, I'm going for it and I am going to do the best with where I am at this week.

I will be staying at Kripalu for two nights, in a dormitory, with a bunch of strangers, minus the dear friend of course. We will be attending workshops, doing a lot of yoga, a lot of writing (yay!), and eating together.

So. Outside. My. Comfort. Zone

There is a lot of uncertainty for me regarding this weekend. I may have to climb in and sleep on a top bunk. I don't know yet what access I will have for certain medical things I need to take care of (i.e. using my humidifier), so I am trying to do extra treatments today before I leave to help cover me until I get back home Sunday afternoon. What I need to pack for myself personally is minimal, but so much to think about medically.

Health issues aside, I'm also going out of my comfort zone just by getting into the car and going off into a new environment. I don't know about anybody else, but it brings up so many insecurities for me; insecurities that I wish I didn't still have to face at forty-four years old...

I'll be fatter than everyone else.
I'll be an utter failure during the yoga classes.
I'm not strong enough,
Or flexible enough,
Or witty enough,
Or funny enough.

See my problem?

The good news is, those WERE my fears. I've been working through them and so today, I'm in a much better place about it all. I'm so excited, I cannot even stand it! Excited for the workshop, to spend time with my girlfriend, to be at Kripalu, and last, but not least, to have someone else preparing and cooking all my healthy meals this weekend!

I'm looking forward to meeting new people and connecting with them and more importantly, myself. Life has been bumpy lately, no doubt about it. I spend a lot of time and energy taking care of my physical body, so it will be nice to have time set aside to take care of all the other stuff. And to be in an environment where everyone else is doing the same thing.

So, I'm going to finish packing and then open my heart and mind to this big daring adventure.

Happy weekend!!