Fifty -five years ago today, I was born. 4:01am or maybe it was 1:04 am. I’m sure my mom will let me know later today.
I don’t want to say I am struggling with turning 55 but it’s hitting me a little different this year. To begin with, I’m coming out the other end of a mental health crisis and things feel different, better. I think I’m also at an age where I’m beginning to not care so much about the unimportant things or the drama that comes with existing amongst other people.
I also think what is hitting me different is feeling the need to look back…back on my relationships, career, health, all of it. The photo you see at the top is of me at Niagara Falls when I was four years old. We were visiting my aunt and uncle in Buffalo. I don’t remember the trip but since it was 1974, none of my cousins on my mom’s side were born yet and my younger brother was about to be born.
I look at that four year old and wonder, what she was thinking, probably sick of getting her picture taken in front of a lot of water! She’s so innocent; blissfully unaware of the heartache she will face: a broken engagement, divorce, loss, illness. She’s also unaware of the joys she is going to experience; marrying the love of her life, family celebrations, friends, the privilege of taking care of sick kids. I know I’m missing a lot in there but all of it comes together to form my life, my one precious life.
My husband and I were supposed to go out today to celebrate; nothing fancy, just a ride up to my favorite candle store and then dinner. But then life happened and this week has left me run down and depleted…ER last weekend as my parents were in a car accident, four days of a program I’m in, my husband ending up in the ER last night, celebrating my granddaughter’s birthday and the list goes on.
This.
This is also what forms my precious life.
So instead, I’m going to stay home, rest, write, read, watch a movie with my husband, and get take out. All of my favorite thing to do at home.
Here’s to another year of joy, sadness, and everything else that will come with 55. Happy Birthday to me!
