"In order to write about life, first you must live it." ~ Ernest Hemingway

Category: health (Page 1 of 3)

Partners In A Healthy Lifestyle

The very first time I ever noticed my fiance, I was sitting in my usual pew at church. He was walking down the opposite aisle of the church to sit in his own pew by himself. He had a certain presence about him. Maybe it was his long trench coat that hung on his 6’2″ frame or his stylish cowboy hat. Maybe it was his unassuming presence or the gentle way he looked at people when they were talking to him.

The very first time I knew, although I was in denial about it for months, that I was very attracted to my fiance, he was kneeling by my side after church, offering to lend me some of his movie collection as I was trying to recuperate from a very difficult hospitalization. I subsequently fell in love with him for a million and one reasons. Attraction was a part of that love. I was attracted to him on an emotional, mental and of course, physical level. In my eyes, I never saw him physically as anything less than perfect.

So because of this, it came as a surprise to me when last year he mentioned to me that he had lost weight since we started dating in September 2010, that this weight loss was intentional, and that he wanted to lose more. He told me how much he weighed when we started dating and again, I was surprised. I had never thought of him as overweight and to me he had been perfect just as he was when we started dating. I guess that is what happens when the pheromones are in charge! I found him attractive on all levels and his weight was irrelevant to me.

Ignorantly thinking that men are not as concerned about self image as woman are, I didn’t think much of it and 2012 came upon us. I drastically changed my nutrition plan, eliminating gluten and dairy (to help control my autoimmune symptoms) from my diet which meant that at dinnertime, Chuck did too. After my Guillain-Barre fiasco in February, I got more serious about my health. I started exercising regularly and fine tuned my nutrition plan; eating healthier than I had in my entire life. Because Chuck and I are together most evenings and weekends, my healthier eating affected him as well. It was important to him that I be as healthy as possible and do whatever I needed to do to try and manage my autoimmune illness and although I offered, he never considered the possibility of making two separate meals when we ate together.

And as the months have gone by, I have noticed the changes that he has made one by one. Getting to the gym more often. Eating smaller portions at meals. It has been interesting to watch because he is not dieting, but rather just making lifestyle changes, one at a time. It has been great because to be honest, it has made my lifestyle changes a LOT easier when there are not always so many tempting foods in the house and when your partner doesn’t want to eat out all the time. That is not to say that we don’t treat ourselves or indulge from time to time but when we do, it is without reservation or guilt.

He has become my biggest fan and cheerleader in my quest to become healthier and lose weight. For the first time in my life, I have a partner that supports my mission. It is also the first time I have been in a relationship where I am losing weight rather than gaining weight. And he has never ever complained. Not once. He eats every single gluten-free, dairy-free, vegetarian, sugar-free, cardboard tasting recipe I have ever tried. Together we figure out which ones we both like more than others and then I experiment some more so we are eating food that we truly enjoy. When he cooks on the weekends, he cooks gluten and dairy-free. He makes sure the ingredients are measured so that I can then calculate the Weight Watchers points as I do the Weight Watchers program in addition to my gluten and dairy-free lifestyle.

I have come to realize that we have become quite a team. We each have our own strengths and weaknesses when it comes to nutrition and exercise. He is better at staying away from take out and fast food. I am better at making sure we have vegetables with our meals. He is better at the fitness aspect of things and has been good in helping me construct an exercise plan that is doable with my illness. I am better at meal planning and keeping the kitchen stocked.

I have blogged about and been very open about my health and weight loss journey but here’s the thing. It is not my journey. It is OUR journey.

That man that I was so attracted to two years ago? I realized when I looked at him about two weeks ago that he is NOT the same man. Not physically. I was so wrapped up in my own journey that although I knew he was losing weight and I could wrap my arms around him a lot easier, I was not fully aware of his amazing transformation.

I saw him getting dressed that morning and just exclaimed “Oh my God!”

I exclaimed a lot of other things but well, this is a public blog so we will leave it at that.

He had muscle definition in his abdomen, legs, and arms that I had never seen before. The result of exercising five days a week. The result of eating healthier. The result of losing thirty pounds in the two years we have been together.

I have to admit, it gives me a twinge of guilt now and then when I look at him. I am not any more attracted to him than I was before he lost weight but I cannot lie. He looks great. I fully appreciate the changes in his body and I have to wonder if on some level that makes me a bit shallow.

But then I stop and think about how concerned I was about his elevated blood pressure at his doctor visit last year before he lost weight.

I stop and think about how maybe this weight loss might prolong his life and therefore our time together.

I stop and think about how happy he is with himself and how proud I am of his accomplishment.

And I realize that those are the things I am really appreciating.



August 2012
 

Rediscovering Weight Watchers

“There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them.” ~ Dr. Dennis Waitley

So I have been writing a lot over the past six months about nutrition and exercise because I am on a mission, and I mean a SERIOUS mission, to improve my autoimmune symptoms as much as I can by eating healthier and exercising my very unpredictable and sometimes seemingly frail body. As all journeys are, this particular one is an ever changing and evolving journey. This blog entry is about my most recent change.

In January of this year I changed to a gluten and dairy-free diet with a focus on also reducing refined sugars and processed foods. Then around April, I joined a new gym with the intention of getting myself on a very regular exercise program which would help me to build a stronger body and in the process, alleviate some of the overwhelming stress I had experienced over the previous several months. Despite many obstacles with my physical abilities at times, overall my exercise program has been quite successful in terms of meeting the objectives and goals I had set for myself.

Although the primary focus of these lifestyle changes was, and still is, for the purpose of improving my health and combating this god awful autoimmune illness, there is more to the story. In addition to wanting to be healthier, I was sick of being fat. Sick of being the biggest person in the room. Sick of never finding the right clothes to fit me in a flattering way. Sick of looking in the mirror and knowing that I didn’t like the image looking back at me. I had lost a good amount of weight, thirty-six pounds, on my own over the past three years but I had stalled out in my weight loss for a variety of reasons. However as I was making these dietary and fitness changes since January, I was also determined to not fall into the diet trap again. The one I had spent so much time in for most of my life. You know, the one where you start a diet, do OK for a while, fall off the wagon, and start hating yourself all over again. I wanted my lifestyle changes to be about taking good care of my body and not about dieting.

However despite the changes I had made already, I knew that I needed to do more. Yes, I was on steroids and sometimes huge doses of them. But I felt like I was not in control of my eating and definitely not in control of my weight. I felt like I was not truly doing the best that I could do to take care of myself and I needed some help.

As luck would have it, a dear friend of mine had recently started Weight Watchers and she told me about their new program. I had been to Weight Watchers before and did well with it for a period of time. And then I would stop following the program or start cheating a lot and I would fall off the wagon. I was also concerned about the gluten and dairy-free issue and how I would pull that off. However this friend of mine is also gluten and dairy-free so she was my inspiration for believing that it could be done.

I sat down and seriously thought about if I started going to Weight Watchers, would it work for me? What if it didn’t work for me with all the steroids I was on? What if I couldn’t stick with it? What if, what if, what if. This is what I finally decided. First, I had to stop using the steroids as an excuse for being overweight. Yes, they can cause weight gain but let’s face it, I was severely overweight before I ever popped a prednisone tablet into my mouth.

Yeap, truth hurts sometimes.

Secondly, things are different now than they were when I was on Weight Watchers years ago. My health is a mess and I have a lot more to lose now. My autoimmune illness is not weight related but I have spent so much friggin’ time being sick that I want to be as fit and healthy as I can possibly  be so that I can enjoy my good days more fully. In addition, I don’t want to have to deal with any weight related health issues down the road on top of the health issues I already have. I want to be in the best possible state of health that my autoimmune illness will allow. I have never been this motivated to change.

So on my 41st birthday, May 3rd, I went to my first Weight Watchers meeting. And you know what? It felt good to be there. To be taking yet another proactive step in an attempt to create a healthier version of myself.

I have to admit, between following Weight Watchers and staying gluten/dairy-free, the past seven weeks have not always been easy. I have come to figure out that even though I was eating a lot healthier over the past six months, my portion sizes were ridiculously out of wack. I found that the new Weight Watchers program focuses more on eating whole natural foods than it used to and I really liked that fact. I have found a lot of emotional support in the group meetings and through the message boards online to help change some of my unhealthy eating habits and to learn to eat with purpose. Eat to live rather than live to eat.

And it is working. Looking at the numbers, I have lost twelve pounds in the past seven weeks, despite being on steroids for five of those weeks. This puts me back at the weight I was at seven months ago which is when I started my last round of steroids. More importantly though, I feel better about myself and what I am eating. I am starting to like the face looking back at me in the mirror every morning. Not because she is twelve pounds lighter but rather because she is working hard to be the best that she can be.

She is defying the steroid odds.

She is defying her own self doubts.

She is in control.

It is a much better place to be.

Photo Courtesy of Google Images

“Why Me?”

Every hand in need that reaches for me

is a piece of my salvation.
The troubles they have mirror mine.
In acknowledging their demands.
I help heal their wounds, give them hope.
What I want is to be selfish and sit in the dark.
I want to scream… WHY ME!
But with the Grace of God, I cannot.
I sympathize with the pain and sorrow.
My compassion is the light by which I walk,
it is what heals me.
~ Cyndi Lamacchia
This is an excerpt from the poetry that was read during our Easter Cantata at my church last Sunday. This particular part was written by another member of my church and in the moment that it was being read aloud by my minister, the words grabbed me. It seemed to echo how I had been feeling about my life over the past several weeks.
I think it is a great piece not only because it sang to me, but also because it can be interpreted in many different ways; both religious and non religious. My first interpretation upon hearing it is that it is about Jesus. But then I realized that it could also be about many of us; those who are facing huge obstacles in our lives. Sometimes one obstacle right after another in a relentless fashion.
This particular Sunday morning found me feeling lousy and I was questioning whether I should get up and go to church at all. I was battling a sinus infection on top of dealing with some of the same ongoing neurological issues and I was also recovering from a nasty fall the week before. Not even to mention that I was weaning down my dose of steroids, which typically causes my body a lot of grief until my body readjusts to the new dose. The assault on my body just seemed to continue week after week. And honestly, I was sick and tired of it.

As Chuck was getting dressed that morning and I was debating in my mind whether it was wiser to get up and go or stay home and rest, a statement that is very atypical for me came blurting out of my mouth. I said that maybe I should get myself to church if for no other reason than to ask God why he keeps throwing one health obstacle after another at me with no respite. Why can’t he just give me a break? I thought I was half kidding when I uttered the words but the thoughts and words came so fast that I think there was some truth to them. Because looking back at the past three months, it really has been one issue after another and let’s face it, I already had a full plate to begin with.

“Why me?”

I don’t do the whole self pity thing too often and to be honest, I don’t think that God is up wherever he is plotting different ways to torture me. I believe in a loving God. Not one that punishes us. I like to think that there is a reason for most things that happen in life but lately, I am not so sure about that. Am I being tested? Do I just have terrible luck? As you can tell, I have been doing a lot of questioning lately about why I am in the place I am with my health. I don’t blame God necessarily but I do sit back and wonder about it. Am I experiencing this in order to appreciate the many blessings that I do have in my life? Is it supposed to make me a stronger person? Or is it just the way it is?

Regardless, the onslaught of physical problems over the past three months has all led to me wanting to selfishly, as this poem mentions, spend more time than usual in the dark.

Stay in bed. Stay home. Let the illness win.

But I do not.
I keep going.

I keep going for many reasons:
For the family and friends who love me and have cheered me on day after day, week after week.

For all those affected by Sjogren’s syndrome and other chronic illnesses I have met online and in person whose hand in need has reached for me. At times they have been MY salvation.

For myself because I like to believe that someday the light by which I walk will be much brighter.
It is very easy to fall into the “why me?” trap. Although perhaps a perfectly natural response, it is a futile one. The time and energy spent in our self pity over events that we may not have control over leads us to make less than optimum decisions. Decisions are something that we DO have control over. Instead of making the decision to give into our crisis or illness, we can make attempts at avoiding the dark place. Like deciding if we truly need to stay in bed and rest versus making an attempt to be in the world. Or like the decision to push ourselves on a difficult day to get outside and walk; even if it is just a very short distance. Maybe making a conscious decision to replace “why me?” with “how can I help you” to another person. It is not always easy to make these decisions as sometimes we should rest or not take that walk if it will do more harm than good.

This is the point in my blog entry where I wrap it up with some heartfelt opinion or realization but truly, I have none today. And that is not a bad thing either. It means that I still wrestle with the issue and like is implied in the poem, I am not alone in this. I would like to know what my readers think about this topic.

Do you ever sit back and say “why me?”

What do you do to avoid getting sucked into that dark place?

Do you feel that it changes the way that you think about God?

Photo Courtesy of Google Images

Green Smoothies

I having been getting some questions lately in regards to my love affair with the green smoothie. These questions have included why I drink them, how I make them, what I use for ingredients, etc. I first learned about green smoothies last summer when I stumbled upon a website called My Big Fat Life by Rick Labrecque. He had lost a lot of weight by switching to a whole foods diet and drinking green smoothies was a part of that. There is also a lot of information on the web about green smoothies but I would like to provide some information about my personal experiences with them so that readers can get a general idea about them.

A green smoothie is basically greens and fruit blended. For someone like me, whom until 2 1/2 months ago, ate very few vegetables with their meals, it is a good way to get important nutrients into your body. Greens like spinach, kale, collard green, dandalion, swiss chard and such are nutritional powerhouses and provide an enormous amount of vitamins and minerals. Most people don’t realize how important they are or that kale for examply, actually has more calcium than milk. By blending the green with fruit, you are able to absorb these vitamins and minerals more readily than if you were eating them cooked or in a salad.

So people sit here and think “Eww, blended spinach!” OK, with God as my witness, when you add the fruit to the smoothie in the appropriate amounts, you DO NOT TASTE THE GREENS! No matter how many times I tell people this, there are still some who do not believe me. All you have to do is try it. Now, the proportions are different for everyone. I have been drinking them long enough that at this point, I don’t mind tasting the greens and I even like the taste. When I started out out making them though, I would do about 25% greens and 75% fruit. I can do a lot more than that now, up to 75% greens, but I usually run around 50/50 because of my medication.

Speaking of medication, I would be remiss if I didn’t pause here and mention this. If you take blood thinners like Coumadin or you have blood clotting issues, you MUST talk to your doctor before dramatically increasing your greens intake. Many of the greens contain high levels of Vitamin K which promote blood clotting and can interefere with your medication or your health. I developed blood clots in my lungs recently, not due to green smoothies (I had not drank them in months) and had to go on blood thinners. The green thicken my blood and the blood thinners thin my blood so you can see the dilemma here. I do drink the green smoothies, but it is critical that I drink the same amount every day to keep my blood levels stable and I have also had to cut back on the amount of greens I use.

Anyways, besides greens and fruits, all you need is a blender. I have researched every blender on the market and tried more than my fair share. People in the green smoothie community say the best way to go is to purchase one of the high tech blenders in order to get your drink as smooth as possible. Blenders like Vitamix and BlendTec are awesome and do a million other things besides make smoothies but they come with a price tag of at least $400. I had gotten one of the above mentioned blenders as a gift and it did not work properly and I had to return it. I ended up buying a new Oster Classic for like $40 and it has done right by me. People say the cheaper blenders don’t last as long. We’ll see; going on about 10 months right now with my Oster. If you don’t know what to do with your money or find this will be a lifelong habit for you, it’s probably a wise investment. However do not think you cannot get a great green smoothie without one of the more expensive blenders, because you can!

So what do you do? I put some water in the blender first and then add my greens. I have found this to be the best way to get my green smoothie nice and smooth. I use the pulse feature a few times on my blender and then graduate to liquify. I make sure the greens are all nice and liquified before adding anything else. I think this is the biggest reason to my success with using an inexpensive blender. Then I add in my ground flax seed because it is high in Omega 3’s and my fruit. I blend that all again and once mixed well, add some ice and use the ice crusher mode on my blender. Ahhh, delightful!

You can pretty much add anything you want to the blender. I have used soy milk, almond milk, chia seeds, soy yogurt, agave, honey, and a few other additives; be creative! For me, I have come to the realization that I don’t want the extra sugar in my smoothies as the fruit is sweet enough so I have cut out the additives like honey and agave. I have also switched to plain water from the different milks because I want to keep the green smoothie primarily focused on the fruits and vegetables.

I typically make a whole blender full and after drinking what I am going to drink for the day, I put the rest into a glass mason jar. I found this little tip online and it is a great idea. The green smoothie stays fresher and will keep through the next day so you don’t have to blend every single day unless you are drinking more than that. I have tried just storing the blender pitcher itself in the fridge overnight but I found that it did not stay as fresh and you could taste the greens more the next day. Also the mason jars are portable for road trips and such. I keep a stock of those wide diameter straws and all you have to do is pop one in the mason jar and off you go.

I have experimented with what seems like a zillion and one different combinations of fruits and vegetables and have found some favorites. The important part is to rotate your greens so that you are not using one for several days in a row. I typically vary my greens between spinach, kale, and collard greens. I also try to add in dandalion on a regular basis as it is a great detoxifier. Kale is the most difficult to blend and may require a little more effort but definitely worth it. I have found in the past few months that stores like Trader Joe’s have packaged kale and a combination mix labeled “southern greens” which has a variety of different greens in it. Fresh organic produce from the local farm stand is always best but my feeling is that if the packaged stuff, especially in the winter, gets me to make and drink my smoothies when I am sick and tired, then it is worth it.

You can use pretty use much any type of fruit but my favorites tend to be banana, mango, kiwi, berries, grapes, and pineapple both because of the taste and the consistency. I have used other fruits such as apple, pear, and melons but I find that they don’t mask the taste of the greens as well and they can be more difficult to blend in a less expensive blender. The sky is the limit when it comes to all of the different fruits and greens combinations you can use.

I just think green smoothies are a great tool in changing nutritional habits. I found that the more greens and fruit I eat, the more I want them or that I miss them when I skip a day or two. Your body will crave healthy food when you give it healthy food. I have not made any green smoothies for kids but I would think that would be a win-win situatio. Kids get to drink something funky looking, it tastes great, and they get all those important nutrients as well. And for those of you looking for healthier nails and hair, nothing will improve both of these like a green smoothie, trust me.

Happy blending!!

Doctor, Please Listen To Me!

Although I talk a lot on this blog about my experiences with an autoimmune disorder called Sjogren’s Syndrome, I have dealt with and currently still deal with a multitude of other medical diagnoses. It would appear that when it came to the luck of the draw in the God designing Christine department, I got the short end of the stick. I was not a particularly sickly child, but once I entered my early twenties, it seemed like every few years a new medical problem reared its ugly head. I am not talking about common stuff either. Oh no, I got the wacky and unusual stuff….Hodgkin’s Disease (which is a lymphoma), AV Nodal Reentry Tachycardia (a defect in my heart’s conduction which required surgery), Factor V Leiden (a genetic blood clotting disorder), and of course the Sjogren’s Syndrome. Throw in some more common diagnoses like Hypothyroidism, Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, etc. and you have a nice array of specialists that I have to deal with on a regular basis.

There is a point to mentioning all this though. Because of this ridiculous amount of exposure to the health care system as a patient and most significantly because of the challenges I have faced in dealing with doctors regarding the Sjogren’s, I have a very (and I mean VERY) low tolerance now for inadequate and impersonal medical care. As a nurse, I have always been a strong advocate for my patients; at times, even getting myself into a little hot water because I challenged my patient’s doctors when I felt that they were not being attentive or appropriate in their care of my patients. However as a patient, I was not always good at this. I got intimidated easily by my own doctors and always trusted that they knew what was best for me.

Over the past few years this has changed dramatically because, as I mentioned earlier, I struggled so desperately to get the Sjogren’s diagnosis. Heck, I struggled to even get someone to believe there was something wrong with me. And in the end, I listened to my own inner voice. I was relentless in my quest and I finally got an answer.

About a month ago, I woke up with severe abdominal pain that had started a few weeks previous to that day but I had chalked it up to problems with my menstrual cycle. On this day though, I felt that something was really wrong. I called my gynecologist who despite his somewhat impersonal manner, had never done wrong by me. By the time I saw him, I was doubled over in pain. After examining me, he decided I needed an ultrasound which could not be done until the next day. He would not give me anything for pain and said that Tylenol or Motrin should help. It did not.

The day after the ultrasound, I called the office as I was still in some of the worst pain of my life (which is saying a lot!) and I was looking for my ultrasound results. I was told by the nurse that there was small cyst on my ovary that would not be causing me this degree of pain and I needed to follow up with my primary doctor. And of course it was a Friday. I told her that I thought it was gynecological related and as I had issues similar to this previously, but just not as severe. Nope, I still got passed off to another doctor. At this point, I have been in severe pain for forty-eight hours and wished I was dead. My primary doctor was not in the office that day and I decided to go to the emergency room.

The end result of this trip to the emergency room was that I was dehydrated and a CT Scan showed that not only did I have a cyst on one ovary, but I also had a ruptured one on the other ovary therefore validating the high amount of pain I was in. I was told that it would take at least a few days until the pain would subside and they gave me pain medication to get me through the pain and told me to follow-up with my doctor in three days.

I never did go back to my gynecologist. I followed up instead with my primary care who I felt had enough knowledge to see me through the rest of this crisis. See because the problem was, I no longer trusted my gynecologist for many reasons. He knew me well enough to know that I would never be doubled over in pain unless something was really wrong. He did not adequately address my pain issues. He left me like that for over two days and then when I sought his help again, he dumped me on someone else when it was a gynecological problem all along.

I can’t let something like this go. There have been a few rare instances in the past few years where I have disagreed with the way one of my doctors has handled something and after having a discussion about it, it was resolved. But when I looked back to all my interactions with my gynecologist, I realized he sucked as a doctor. My visits were always rushed. I always felt like I was bothering him when I had questions about my treatment. He never seemed to want to address the fact that I have a mother with a history of both ovarian and breast cancer; therefore putting me in a high risk category. He didn’t take  time to do any teaching with me. He knew very little about how significantly my other medical diagnoses were affecting my life. He just didn’t seem to care.

I don’t need each of my doctors to hold my hand and be my friend. But I DO need them to treat me as a person; a person who has been through a hell of a lot medically. I deserve to be informed. I deserve for them to be accountable. I am very well aware of how difficult it is for doctors to practice with all the insurance regulations and productivity requirements. But you know what? There are doctors out there who DO listen to their patients. I know because some of them are my doctors. Never in a million years would my endocrinologist let me leave her office in the kind of pain I was in that day without doing something further.

So what am I to do? What are we to do as health care consumers? We need to stand up and make ourselves heard. We need to tell those that hold our very lives in their hands that we deserve the very best that healthcare has to offer. How do we do this? We screen our doctors before we become their patients. We go to our appointments organized with a medication list and a list of our questions and concerns. We take control of our own health by learning about our various conditions and then committing ourselves to truly getting better, even if it means changing bad lifelong habits. We listen to our instincts when we feel something is wrong with our bodies. We don’t let doctors rush us through office appointments or procedures. When we feel that we are not getting what we need from our providers, we look elsewhere. And we keep looking until we find what we need and what we deserve.

The outcome of my little doctor fiasco was that I immediately started looking for a new doctor. I know there is a stigma attached to patients who “doctor shop” and you know what? I don’t care. You shouldn’t either. It is your body, your life. I am not saying that if issues arise, but yet you trust/like your doctor, that you shouldn’t try to work it out. You should. But don’t let things go. I have been wrong a few times thinking I knew more than my doctor but a good doctor will respect that. It took me changing doctors twice to finally get an accurate cancer diagnosis with the Hodgkin’s disease and five rheumatologists to not only get the Sjogren’s diagnosis, but also to treat it properly. In both instances I am glad that I did not just sit there and trust that the doctor knew best.

I saw my new provider for the first time today for a procedure. She spent quality time with me trying to make sure she had a good history. She asked about my Sjogren’s, how I got diagnosed, and how it has affected my life. She did some teaching with me about not only the procedure but about the possible implications of the results. She was patient. She validated my very appropriate anxiety. She treated me like a person and not just one of her many afternoon appointments.

She knew what she was doing.

She cared.

It was exactly what I was looking for.

Photos :Courtesy of Google Images

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