For Everything There is a Season

"In order to write about life, first you must live it." ~ Ernest Hemingway

Category: self esteem (Page 2 of 2)

Partners In A Healthy Lifestyle

September 7, 2012 / / 2 Comments

The very first time I ever noticed my fiance, I was sitting in my usual pew at church. He was walking down the opposite aisle of the church to sit in his own pew by himself. He had a certain presence about him. Maybe it was his long trench coat that hung on his 6’2″ frame or his stylish cowboy hat. Maybe it was his unassuming presence or the gentle way he looked at people when they were talking to him.

The very first time I knew, although I was in denial about it for months, that I was very attracted to my fiance, he was kneeling by my side after church, offering to lend me some of his movie collection as I was trying to recuperate from a very difficult hospitalization. I subsequently fell in love with him for a million and one reasons. Attraction was a part of that love. I was attracted to him on an emotional, mental and of course, physical level. In my eyes, I never saw him physically as anything less than perfect.

So because of this, it came as a surprise to me when last year he mentioned to me that he had lost weight since we started dating in September 2010, that this weight loss was intentional, and that he wanted to lose more. He told me how much he weighed when we started dating and again, I was surprised. I had never thought of him as overweight and to me he had been perfect just as he was when we started dating. I guess that is what happens when the pheromones are in charge! I found him attractive on all levels and his weight was irrelevant to me.

Ignorantly thinking that men are not as concerned about self image as woman are, I didn’t think much of it and 2012 came upon us. I drastically changed my nutrition plan, eliminating gluten and dairy (to help control my autoimmune symptoms) from my diet which meant that at dinnertime, Chuck did too. After my Guillain-Barre fiasco in February, I got more serious about my health. I started exercising regularly and fine tuned my nutrition plan; eating healthier than I had in my entire life. Because Chuck and I are together most evenings and weekends, my healthier eating affected him as well. It was important to him that I be as healthy as possible and do whatever I needed to do to try and manage my autoimmune illness and although I offered, he never considered the possibility of making two separate meals when we ate together.

And as the months have gone by, I have noticed the changes that he has made one by one. Getting to the gym more often. Eating smaller portions at meals. It has been interesting to watch because he is not dieting, but rather just making lifestyle changes, one at a time. It has been great because to be honest, it has made my lifestyle changes a LOT easier when there are not always so many tempting foods in the house and when your partner doesn’t want to eat out all the time. That is not to say that we don’t treat ourselves or indulge from time to time but when we do, it is without reservation or guilt.

He has become my biggest fan and cheerleader in my quest to become healthier and lose weight. For the first time in my life, I have a partner that supports my mission. It is also the first time I have been in a relationship where I am losing weight rather than gaining weight. And he has never ever complained. Not once. He eats every single gluten-free, dairy-free, vegetarian, sugar-free, cardboard tasting recipe I have ever tried. Together we figure out which ones we both like more than others and then I experiment some more so we are eating food that we truly enjoy. When he cooks on the weekends, he cooks gluten and dairy-free. He makes sure the ingredients are measured so that I can then calculate the Weight Watchers points as I do the Weight Watchers program in addition to my gluten and dairy-free lifestyle.

I have come to realize that we have become quite a team. We each have our own strengths and weaknesses when it comes to nutrition and exercise. He is better at staying away from take out and fast food. I am better at making sure we have vegetables with our meals. He is better at the fitness aspect of things and has been good in helping me construct an exercise plan that is doable with my illness. I am better at meal planning and keeping the kitchen stocked.

I have blogged about and been very open about my health and weight loss journey but here’s the thing. It is not my journey. It is OUR journey.

That man that I was so attracted to two years ago? I realized when I looked at him about two weeks ago that he is NOT the same man. Not physically. I was so wrapped up in my own journey that although I knew he was losing weight and I could wrap my arms around him a lot easier, I was not fully aware of his amazing transformation.

I saw him getting dressed that morning and just exclaimed “Oh my God!”

I exclaimed a lot of other things but well, this is a public blog so we will leave it at that.

He had muscle definition in his abdomen, legs, and arms that I had never seen before. The result of exercising five days a week. The result of eating healthier. The result of losing thirty pounds in the two years we have been together.

I have to admit, it gives me a twinge of guilt now and then when I look at him. I am not any more attracted to him than I was before he lost weight but I cannot lie. He looks great. I fully appreciate the changes in his body and I have to wonder if on some level that makes me a bit shallow.

But then I stop and think about how concerned I was about his elevated blood pressure at his doctor visit last year before he lost weight.

I stop and think about how maybe this weight loss might prolong his life and therefore our time together.

I stop and think about how happy he is with himself and how proud I am of his accomplishment.

And I realize that those are the things I am really appreciating.



August 2012
 

Diet and Exercise Update

July 25, 2012 / / 7 Comments
“Take care of your body with steadfast fidelity. The soul must see through these eyes alone, and if they are dim, the whole world is clouded.” ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

I realized this week that it has been six months since I made the drastic change to eliminate all gluten and dairy from my diet. Wow, six months! I think that is the longest I have ever stuck with a change in my eating habits. I can honestly now say that it is much easier than it was when I started back in January.

People ask me from time to time if I think that eliminating gluten and dairy from my diet has helped my autoimmune symptoms. It has not eliminated the symptoms but at this point, I feel that it has helped. On a few occasions I have intentionally eaten something with gluten or dairy in it and I have noticed a change for the worse either in my level of joint pain and/or in my asthma symptoms. In addition to that, I never have any gastrointestinal issues at all anymore and my menstrual cycle is much more tolerable.

I have become frustrated with this eating plan at times, most notably when I came off of my last round of steroids and my joint pain immediately came back. I sat and wondered why the heck I was making my life more challenging by eliminating gluten and dairy when I was still having joint pain. The point that I was missing at the time though was that the joint pain was not as severe.

One of the biggest advantages that I have found with living a gluten and dairy-free lifestyle is the changes it has forced me to make in my eating habits. Changes that have positively affected my health, weight, and overall well being. For example, I have to plan out and think about what I am going to eat. Gone are the days of impulsively shoving something in my mouth because I am either hungry or because I crave a particular food. The options available to me at fast food joints and restaurants are much fewer and therefore I am spending much more time at home cooking meals from scratch which means healthier meals.

Many people say that eating gluten or dairy-free, as well as organic, is much more expensive but I would have to disagree. Yes, my food bill is more each week but it does not compare to the amount of money I save by not swinging by Subway several times a week or eating dinner out more than once every other week. I have also found that unless it is a homemade food, gluten-free products such as bread, muffins, etc. tend to be much more unhealthy and filled with more preservatives than non-gluten products. This has resulted in eating these items once in a great while and instead I choose whole foods such as fruits, vegetables, lean meats, nuts, and whole grains.

The second big change I made in my diet was making the decision to start the Weight Watchers program. This has literally been a godsend for me. I have found the program to be much more “whole foods” friendly than it used to be and I enjoy the fact that in addition to going to weekly meetings, I can also use their online program which enables me to work the program from my laptop or cell phone. I have found a meeting I really enjoy on Tuesday afternoons. Adding a Weight Watchers program to my gluten and dairy-free lifestyle has been a challenge but well worth it. Since my birthday, which was May 3rd, I have lost eighteen pounds. If you add that to the weight I have gradually lost over the past three years, my body is now fifty-five pounds lighter. Oh yeah.

I continue to go to the gym anywhere from four to six days a week. Exercising has become a more difficult task since coming off prednisone and sometimes I just want to say “the hell with it” and quit. But I don’t. I am committed to changing my life and I cannot let joint pain, fatigue, and migraines get in the way of that. I have however changed some of my routine around and have cut back on the length of time I am exercising until I can get my symptoms more under control. I have started taking Pilates classes which was a big step for me and I am in love with it. Right now my exercise regime consists of Pilates, water aerobics, lap swimming, the cross trainer, and rowing. My goal is to be able to increase the time of my workouts and try some other different classes once my joint pain has improved.

I love to exercise. Shocking but true. For most of my life it has been a chore and something I dreaded doing; when I did do it. It is different now though. It is a necessity for me mentally as well as physically. I have worked hard to find activities that are not only safe for my joints but also fun. Despite the physical challenges that I still have, every week I find that my body is getting stronger. Every time I swim a lap in the pool of sit on the mat in a Pilates class, I feel like I have more control over the body that I have spent so much time cursing.

My hope is that as I continue to lose weight and build a stronger body that more of my autoimmune symptoms will lessen or even disappear. If not, I figure the worst that can happen is that my new lifestyle will help prevent future issues such as heart disease, diabetes, and cancer. Not to mention how much better I will feel about myself.

Works for me.

Photo Courtesy of Google Images

Waterworld

April 26, 2012 / / 2 Comments
“The water is your friend. You don’t have to fight with water, just share the same spirit as the water, and it will help you move.” ~ Aleksandr Popov

I have not been in a regulation sized pool or swam a lap since freshman year of high school. Sure, I have been in backyard pools and in the ocean but not a REAL pool. I learned to swim later than most kids; I was about thirteen or so. As an awkward, geeky, and somewhat overweight freshman in high school, the swimming portion of our physical education classes was a nightmare for me. I will spare you the details but at that age, you can just imagine.

Anyways, I recently changed gyms and one of the major factors in that decision was because this gym has a pool and I thought it would be a good way for me to get the exercise I need when my Sjogren’s symptoms are flaring up; which can make even going for a walk difficult at times. However I had fallen five weeks ago and sustained a nasty wound to my knee which needed to fully heal before I could go in the water. This week it finally healed.

I had a lot of doubt about my ability to swim laps without making a spectacle of myself (completely unfounded worry) and I figured I would start my new found aquatic life with a water aerobics class. Of course this means going out in public in a bathing suit; which I had some anxiety over. It actually makes no sense because I go to the beach and walk around there in a bathing suit, but there was something about doing so in a pool area, at a gym with fit people, that seemed more intimidating to me. I hate the fact that even at the age of forty, I still concern myself with issues like this.

But of course I sucked it up and was constantly telling myself that people are there to work out and not notice how fat I may look in my bathing suit. Be brave I told myself. This is not high school. And I was fine.

The second I got my body in that pool, I felt like I was in pure heaven. I have struggled so much with my autoimmune illness and physical challenges over the past several months. I have also struggled with body image issues, as obviously noted above, related to not only the physical pain and fatigue I experience, but also related to the side effects of my steroids. These have included swelling, weight gain, and my hair falling out in clumps on a daily basis. In the pool though, my body feels less broken. It is lighter. I feel my muscles relax. I feel capable and strong. I even swam two laps doing what I think is a breast stroke. And I didn’t have a heart attack.

There are multiple issues to consider when someone with Sjogren’s syndrome spends time in a pool. Chlorine can be irritating to my already very dry eyes as well as possibly to my lungs. I did not put my face in the water today at the class, but I love to swim underwater. I think investing in a pair of swim goggles might be in order. I also need to remember to put in eye drops immediately before and after being in the pool. I am hoping that the chlorine will not be a problem for my allergies or lungs but if it does become an issue, that’s what I have a pulmonologist for. Those of us with Sjogren’s also struggle with severe dry skin issues which can be exacerbated my chlorine. Luckily, I live five minutes from the gym. My intent is to plan my morning so that I immediately go home and showe and apply body cream after being in the pool.

The class itself went well. I was not sure that I was getting much of a work out because my heart wasn’t pumping as hard as it does with other forms of exercise. And of course there was no sweating involved. We did something called water walking which involved a flotation device thing. We did stretching and aerobic exercises in both the shallow and deep ends. We also used light weights with some of the exercises. It didn’t even really feel like I was exercising at times although towards the end of the hour, I did notice I was appropriately short of breath. Time will tell because if I am sore tomorrow morning, then I had a good work out. Also I had an excellent night’s sleep last night and I have been exhausted since leaving the gym. It doesn’t feel like autoimmune related fatigue or coming off prednisone fatigue. It feels like your ordinary exhaustion from exercising.

Unfortunately, I also had to bring Molly for a walk this morning after the class as she has not been getting out enough and is acting like a total nut at times because of that. So now I am completely exhausted but besides a headache, I can say that I don’t have any pain. It is still a challenge for me to plan my days so that I can appropriately pace myself physically in terms of getting in my physical therapy, strength training, and cardiovascular work outs. As well as walking Molly, housework, medical appointments, shopping, cooking meals, etc. Before Sjogren’s, I could just plow through my day, but now my body requires frequent rest periods. It will all come together eventually I suppose. I have no choice but to make it work.

And the best part?

Ten minutes in the hot tub afterwards.

Nirvana!

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