For Everything There is a Season

"In order to write about life, first you must live it." ~ Ernest Hemingway

Category: spirituality (Page 2 of 2)

Whale Watching…Life Watching…

July 8, 2012 / / 2 Comments
“We clear the harbor and the wind catches her sails and my beautiful ship leans over ever so gracefully, and her elegant bow cuts cleanly into the increasing chop of the waves. I take a deep breath and my chest expands and my heart starts thumping so strongly I fear the others might see it beat through the cloth of my jacket. I face the wind and my lips peel back from my teeth in a grin of pure joy.”  ~ L.A. Meyer

I have always loved the ocean, especially the New England coastline. Beaches, lighthouses, sand, boats, and scenic views are just the beginning of my love affair with the ocean. Add to that the sound of waves crashing the rugged shoreline as well as the smell of the salt water penetrating my nostrils and I am in a state of complete contentment. Pure joy even.

Up until last year, I was always more a spectator of the New England coastline and it’s vast Atlantic Ocean rather than a participant. I would walk beaches scouring for shells and tour lighthouses but with the exception of two ferry trips, I was never actually on the ocean. Then last year Chuck and I spent an afternoon on a tugboat as part of the MS Harborfest event benefiting the Multiple Sclerosis Society and I was hooked. I found a new love in Portland, Maine. A love of piers, fishing vessels, lobster traps, and even the somewhat foul smell of a fishing port.

We had been wanting to go on a whale watch together since we started dating almost two years ago. Chuck had been several times before and I had never been. I am not quite sure why. I think part of it was that I always shied away from going on boats due to issues with motion sickness and also just never really having the opportunity to be on a boat. However this year we were finally able to make the time to schedule it and it worked out that I was finally well enough to brave the adventure.

So yesterday we made the trip to Gloucester, Massachusetts, about two hours from our home, to go on a whale watch with a company called 7 Seas Whale Watch. I was beyond excited mostly because it was an experience I had never had before and also because I got to be on the ocean again. Apparently I come from a long line of fisherman on my dad’s side of the family and when I did a genealogy research many years ago, Gloucester was one of the areas that some of my distant relatives had worked and lived in. Maybe it is in the blood!

Nothing though could have prepared me for the experience I had yesterday and how profoundly it affected me.

After taking a good dose of Dramamine for motion sickness, we got on the boat. Everyone else getting on board seemed so intent on getting a seat and staying put. By the time we got on, there were no seats left except inside the cabin and I didn’t see the point of staying in there! My first thought was that it was going to be difficult to stand with my physical issues as the trip was supposed to be almost four hours long. But then I decided it was going to all work out somehow for the best. So instead, we settled ourselves by standing at the bow of the boat, which is the very tip of the front of the boat. The width was enough room for Chuck and I to stand together side by side with nobody in front of us and nobody to the sides of us. There was a double railing so it gave me the ability to switch positions often by leaning and supporting myself on the rail. I figured eventually there would be an open seat somewhere out of the deck.

Absolute best decision.

Why? Because when the boat started moving, we had the best view ever. I knew at that point that there was no way I would be moving from that spot unless I was on the verge of collapse. The boat had such a low profile (meaning close to the water) that it felt like we were right on the water. And with the boat traveling at speeds of up to about 20mph, being at the bow was incredible. Wind rushing through my hair and body and having an unobstructed view of the vast Atlantic Ocean was priceless.

At first, we slowly moved out of Gloucester Harbor which is just a treat in itself. Breathtaking scenery of lighthouses, fishing vessels, old buildings, and even a harbor seal! Then as we moved out of the harbor, the temperature dropped and what was stretched in front of me was the beautiful vastness of the Atlantic Ocean. An occasional fishing or sailboat was all we saw at first and then we saw nothing but blue water as far as the horizon where it met the sky.

And it just got better.

Since we were at the very front of the boat, I spotted the first whale. I could see in front of that horizon water shooting up from the surface. Water from the blowhole of a whale. A creature that I had never seen before in its home. A creature free to roam its land freely, untouched by the modern world that we live in.

As we got closer to the whale watching spot, the boat slowed down and eventually stopped. It is a surreal feeling being in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean at a standstill. No other vessels around (at that point) and people on the boat waiting in silence; waiting to see the great creature we had come to observe.

And then they came, not one but two whales. Two humpback whales diving in and out of the vast ocean working as a pair while they were feeding. Such an incredible sight. Such a natural sight. A sight that left me with tears welling up in my eyes. Why, I am not sure.

From what we were told by the naturalist narrating our tour, the area we were in, Stellwagon Bank, is a large feeding area for the whales, USA Today has listed this area off the coast of Gloucester as one of the world’s top ten whale watching sites.

I can see why.

Apparently we happened to hit an unusual day for our whale watch. There was an abundance of whales to watch and it was amazing how close the captain of our boat could get us to these magnificent creatures. Humpbacks, Finbacks, and Minke whales were on the agenda for yesterday. Sometimes we would see one, sometimes two working in tandem to gather their food to store up for the winter when they would then migrate down to the Caribbean where there is no food available for them. We got to see a calf, which is a baby whale. At one point, we could see several whales with the water shooting out of their blowholes in the distance. There had to be at least four gathered together.

Another treat was that we saw schools of Atlantic White-sided Dolphins, which is an unusual sight in July. Normally they grace the water of the Atlantic in the spring and fall. Sometimes we saw two swimming at a time; sometimes four. Sometimes swimming alone and more incredibly, sometimes flanking the sides of a humpback whale as he/she travelled the waters. At one point, our boat drove along the dolphins as they perfectly synchronized their swimming in pairs alongside our boat.

Nature in perfect harmony.
Life in perfect harmony.

After staying out in the whale’s feeding area for what seemed like an infinite amount of time, our vessel made its way back to Gloucester Harbor. This time I found a seat but still I was at the front of the boat. My senses felt pleasurably assaulted once again. The sound of the ocean water rushing away from the sides of the boat sounded like music. The smell of the salt water still in the air.

Sometimes spiritual experiences come when you least expect them. I have to say, I was due for a spiritual experience; one that made me feel like I was more connected with God and with myself. I am not sure exactly how it happened. Maybe it was because of my spot on the boat, up there in the front. It helped me to feel like Chuck and I were the only ones on that boat. Like we were almost right on the water with those creatures. Maybe because like I mentioned earlier, we were in a place untouched by our modern world with all of it’s distractions. A place of beauty.

One thing I do know for sure: we were in God’s country. For me, a place free of doctors and medical tests. Free of insurance and disability companies. Free of technology. Free of other people’s drama. Free of stress, disappointments, and expectations. A peaceful place.

In other words, a little piece of heaven.
Right here on earth.

Photos Courtesy of Chuck Myers

“Why Me?”

April 4, 2012 / / 8 Comments

Every hand in need that reaches for me

is a piece of my salvation.
The troubles they have mirror mine.
In acknowledging their demands.
I help heal their wounds, give them hope.
What I want is to be selfish and sit in the dark.
I want to scream… WHY ME!
But with the Grace of God, I cannot.
I sympathize with the pain and sorrow.
My compassion is the light by which I walk,
it is what heals me.
~ Cyndi Lamacchia
This is an excerpt from the poetry that was read during our Easter Cantata at my church last Sunday. This particular part was written by another member of my church and in the moment that it was being read aloud by my minister, the words grabbed me. It seemed to echo how I had been feeling about my life over the past several weeks.
I think it is a great piece not only because it sang to me, but also because it can be interpreted in many different ways; both religious and non religious. My first interpretation upon hearing it is that it is about Jesus. But then I realized that it could also be about many of us; those who are facing huge obstacles in our lives. Sometimes one obstacle right after another in a relentless fashion.
This particular Sunday morning found me feeling lousy and I was questioning whether I should get up and go to church at all. I was battling a sinus infection on top of dealing with some of the same ongoing neurological issues and I was also recovering from a nasty fall the week before. Not even to mention that I was weaning down my dose of steroids, which typically causes my body a lot of grief until my body readjusts to the new dose. The assault on my body just seemed to continue week after week. And honestly, I was sick and tired of it.

As Chuck was getting dressed that morning and I was debating in my mind whether it was wiser to get up and go or stay home and rest, a statement that is very atypical for me came blurting out of my mouth. I said that maybe I should get myself to church if for no other reason than to ask God why he keeps throwing one health obstacle after another at me with no respite. Why can’t he just give me a break? I thought I was half kidding when I uttered the words but the thoughts and words came so fast that I think there was some truth to them. Because looking back at the past three months, it really has been one issue after another and let’s face it, I already had a full plate to begin with.

“Why me?”

I don’t do the whole self pity thing too often and to be honest, I don’t think that God is up wherever he is plotting different ways to torture me. I believe in a loving God. Not one that punishes us. I like to think that there is a reason for most things that happen in life but lately, I am not so sure about that. Am I being tested? Do I just have terrible luck? As you can tell, I have been doing a lot of questioning lately about why I am in the place I am with my health. I don’t blame God necessarily but I do sit back and wonder about it. Am I experiencing this in order to appreciate the many blessings that I do have in my life? Is it supposed to make me a stronger person? Or is it just the way it is?

Regardless, the onslaught of physical problems over the past three months has all led to me wanting to selfishly, as this poem mentions, spend more time than usual in the dark.

Stay in bed. Stay home. Let the illness win.

But I do not.
I keep going.

I keep going for many reasons:
For the family and friends who love me and have cheered me on day after day, week after week.

For all those affected by Sjogren’s syndrome and other chronic illnesses I have met online and in person whose hand in need has reached for me. At times they have been MY salvation.

For myself because I like to believe that someday the light by which I walk will be much brighter.
It is very easy to fall into the “why me?” trap. Although perhaps a perfectly natural response, it is a futile one. The time and energy spent in our self pity over events that we may not have control over leads us to make less than optimum decisions. Decisions are something that we DO have control over. Instead of making the decision to give into our crisis or illness, we can make attempts at avoiding the dark place. Like deciding if we truly need to stay in bed and rest versus making an attempt to be in the world. Or like the decision to push ourselves on a difficult day to get outside and walk; even if it is just a very short distance. Maybe making a conscious decision to replace “why me?” with “how can I help you” to another person. It is not always easy to make these decisions as sometimes we should rest or not take that walk if it will do more harm than good.

This is the point in my blog entry where I wrap it up with some heartfelt opinion or realization but truly, I have none today. And that is not a bad thing either. It means that I still wrestle with the issue and like is implied in the poem, I am not alone in this. I would like to know what my readers think about this topic.

Do you ever sit back and say “why me?”

What do you do to avoid getting sucked into that dark place?

Do you feel that it changes the way that you think about God?

Photo Courtesy of Google Images

Finding God

August 25, 2010 / / 0 Comments

Church isn’t where you meet. Church isn’t a building. Church is what you do. Church is who you are. Church is the human outworking of the person of Jesus Christ. Let’s not go to Church, let’s be the Church.” ~ Bridget Willard

My soul felt empty and my spirit was restless. This is how I felt several years ago when I made the decision to switch religions and attend a non-Catholic church. Difficult times can do that to a person, make you question God and wonder where he is. For some people, God does not have to be in a church; people say they worship God in nature or by their occupation. I tried that. It didn’t work for me. That’s not to say it doesn’t work for other people, but I was looking for something different.
I had been raised in the Catholic church and had dutifully gone through all the rites associated with that including CCD classes, premarital classes, etc. I didn’t agree with many of the church’s teachings but it was all I had ever known. As a result, I found myself in a spiritual crisis of sorts several years ago. I belonged to a Catholic church but rarely attended. The times I did go, I left there feeling as empty and lost as when I went in. I know many people have strong negative feelings about the current status of the Catholic church, but my point is not to bash the Catholic church. It’s merely to point out that for me, it was not meeting my spiritual needs. I did not find God there, no matter how hard I searched.
I really needed to find God too. My marriage was crumbling. I vacillated between being depressed and being more depressed. I had managed to isolate myself from a lot of family and friends. I found every day to be a struggle. I thought that if I could just find a place that gave me comfort, restored my faith in the world, and helped me find God, I might be OK.
I was lucky enough to be given a book written by an evangelical minister named Joel Osteen. Although he has quite conservative views about many things which I did not agree with, his book inspired me. He presented the possibility that the concepts of religion, spirituality, and God could be found in everyday life. His presented faith and spirituality in a way that was understandable and meaningful to me. Through his book, I came to realize that there may be a way to worship that would hold meaning for me. It didn’t have to be all about rituals and rules that felt hypocritical. Coincidentally during this time, one of my best friends asked me to be a godmother to her daughter. They belonged to a United Church of Christ (UCC) and it was through that experience of her baptism, that I had the opportunity to see a way of worshipping that held significance for me. I decided at that point, it was time to start exploring other religions and churches.
I only made it through two churches in my quest. Belchertown UCC (BUCC) being the first. I only even checked out a second church because I felt like I owed it to myself to have another Protestant church to compare it to. I stopped looking because after I checked out the second church, I found myself really wanting to go back to BUCC.
It’s a strange thing to go from attending a Catholic mass to a UCC service. I remember the first time I had walked in the door for my first service, someone actually greeted me and said hello. I was shocked. Then after realizing that the ceiling was not going to cave in from me walking through the door of a non-Catholic church, I made another observation: people were talking to each other before the service even started and some were even laughing. Laughing in a church?? For me, that was like hitting the jackpot!
A lot of things were different. There were no kneelers (because we didn’t kneel…bonus.). Communion was once a month instead of every week. The minister was a minister and not a priest so this one was married, with kids even. The congregation was the most diverse group of people I had ever seen gathered together in a place of worship. I subsequently found out that the church is open and affirming which meant that everyone was welcome regardless of race, sexual orientation, disability, income level, etc. This church also seemed geared towards helping other people through mission work. At the end of my first service at BUCC, I was sold. I knew I wanted to be there. I wanted to have what they had.
As it ends up, that was one of the best decisions I have made in my life, ever. My church has become another family for me. I went from barely getting myself to Mass at my old church twice a year to feeling lost if I didn’t make it to BUCC for a Sunday or two. In the process of attending, I have begun to develop the relationship with God that I was looking for. It’s an ongoing process but one that I build on every time I volunteer with church members to work at the soup kitchen, help organize/work a walk against hunger, or attend a healing service. I actually read the Bible from time to time which for some reason, was a foreign concept to me before. I have made friends and established relationships that sustain and nurture me. I have learned to more effectively work through conflict. I have learned how to feel comfortable praying. I feel accepted and I have learned to be more accepting. I have learned the value of community.

I have had the opportunity over the past several days to talk about my church experiences with different people. It’s been good for me to look back and appreciate how much finding my church and subsequently finding God again has changed my life. I know it’s not for everyone, but if you are feeling lost and empty like I used to, take a chance. Step outside the box and maybe check out a church you have always wondered about. You just never know what you may find. You may even find God again.
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